


Potatoland

by yamoksauce



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, just a little bit, not sure what i was on when i wrote this tbh, the other avengers are there too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 00:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19051144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamoksauce/pseuds/yamoksauce
Summary: In which someone at the Avengers compound orders a lot of potatoes. Basically just Irondad/Spiderson fluff to heal your heart after Endgame. :)





	Potatoland

**Author's Note:**

> A friend suggested I write a fanfiction about potatoes, and this is what ensued. I wrote 90% of this about a year ago, just after Infinity War (and before Endgame...) but I never got around to finishing it. I was cleaning out some old files when I decided I should. It's a bit of a mess, but here it is regardless. I hope you enjoy it!

“We need  _ what _ ?!”

Peter groaned and rolled his eyes. He had been working on his chemistry homework in peace, but the silence was disturbed when Tony shrieked—yes, _shrieked_ — and the sound carried up to his room. 

In the room next to him, he heard a  _ thump _ and a small  _ Ouch! _ As Sam rolled off his bed. A few moments later, there was a scuffle of feet moving and the door slammed.  _ Why’s he in such a rush? _

Sure, Tony randomly shrieking wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but he didn’t sound truly angry . He was j ust exasperated, as one could expect when you work at Stark Industries. Peter shook his head to clear his mind and settled back into doing his homework.

  
Except that he couldn’t. There was no further yelling from anywhere in the compound – just the background hum of machines and people at work –but he couldn’t focus on anything he was reading. He’d turned the page twice, but understood literally nothing of what he just read. Sighing, he closed the textbook and made for the door.

  
Just as he reached out to the doorknob, there was that tingling sensation that always came with his SpideySense. Something was up.

He rushed out the door.  _ Shit, shit, shit!  _ He didn’t bother with the elevator. He ran down the stairs briskly, brushing past fellow interns and workers until his hearing picked up the voices he was searching for. It wasn’t rushed or frantic. In fact, it sounded like a few of the people talking were more amused than anything. Peter smiled slightly to himself, letting himself calm down.  _ False alarm. _ He heaved one final breath and put on a neutral-happy expression before walking into the conference room.

Tony sat on the far end of a gray sectional, head shooting up as the door opened. “Peter! There you are. You see, I needed to ask you about something,” he said.

“Pete! Don’t listen to him. Don’t listen to his lies!” Natasha spoke, diving on top of Tony and pushing him off the couch. “My money’s on Steve,” she remarked, as if nothing happened and Tony wasn’t staring up at her from the floor, a tight smile on his face saying  _ Really? _

“...What?” Peter had expected some degree of chaos, but as he took a moment to survey the room, he realized it was much worse than anticipated.

Sam and Thor were talking a million miles an hour, Thor’s hands waving wildly at the same speed. Steve was looking very distressed, and a tired Rhodey stood at his side, arms crossed. Wanda was with Vision, absentmindedly using her magic to twirl his cape. Hawkeye was frantically speaking to a random intern, probably PR. Pepper rolled her eyes dramatically in conversation with Maria and Valkyrie. Oh, and Bruce was seated at the bar, looking positively done with everyone.

Tony used this moment of weakness to leap up and stand in front of Peter. “Look, as I was saying, someone’s ordered a fucktruck of potatoes—”

“Language!” Steve interrupted.

Tony narrowed his eyes and continued. “...and we’re trying to figure out what to do with said _heck_ truck. Oh, and who’s responsible. Put a sock in it, Steve,” Tony turned slightly, just enough to glare at Steve, who offered a meek grin in return.

“Um… p-potatoes?” Peter gulped and leaned to the side, silently pleading to Natasha for some help.  _ Oh no. _ He was sure he was being too paranoid, or just imagined it. But maybe he  _ had _ clicked the wrong thing...

“Yes, Pete. Potatoes. It’s the end of the world as we know it,” she deadpanned, gaze skirting to her left where Thor was still rambling on. 

“Uh, ok,” Peter said. A bead of sweat formed on the back of Peter’s neck, and he scratched at it. “Potatoes,” he said. “Well, I’m sure there’s a logi—”

“QUIET!”

Thor’s thick accent boomed over the conversations and the room fell silent in an instant. Hawkeye said a few hushed words to the intern, who dashed out the door behind her.

“So, as you all now know, we have a crisis,” Thor said.

“It’s literally just some potatoes! What are they gonna do, wipe out half the universe?” Wanda suggested. She pressed her lips together and looked around with just her eyes, like she didn’t mean to speak as loud as she just did.

“This is no joking matter, Miss Maximoff. Lives could be at stake!” Thor’s eyebrows turned downward, seriousness radiating off him. Bruce stood up from his seat at the bar and rested a hand on Thor’s shoulder, as if he’d done it a thousand times before.

“Really, Thor. It’s alright. Wanda has a point,” Bruce said. He turned to more directly address everyone. “We can just send the extra potatoes to a food kitchen.” 

“ _ Extra _ potatoes? To hell with all of them!” Tony exclaimed.

“Well, someone must’ve ordered them for a reason,” Bruce said. At this, the room slowly fell into chaos of arguments again. Natasha offered a small smile to Peter and shrugged. 

Peter frowned as he picked at a string on his hoodie. He sat down next to Tony, who had reclaimed his spot on the couch. “Um, Mr. Stark. Um,” he started to say, stopping when he was unsure how to continue.

Tony turned to him and gave him a patient look. “Take your time.”

“Well, you see. Um. About the potatoes, that might’ve accidentally been me.”

Tony quirked his head to one side. “How the hell did you accidentally order eighteen thousand potatoes?” 

“Is it really that many?”

“I dunno, kid. I’m just guessing,” Tony said. He paused. “I mean, it’s alright. But what did you do?”

“Well, I just needed a couple… for me and Ned. For a school project! In chemistry!” Peter said.  _ Wow, I am not good at spontaneous excuses. Wonder where I get that from... _ Unluckily, at that moment, all the conversations had naturally paused, and, unluckily, the entire room heard what he said. 

Sam just chuckled to himself, and Nat grinned in a way that showed she was entirely too pleased with herself. No one was really sure what to say until Steve broke the silence: “Are you doing potato carving?”

Peter laughed, a mix of nerves and relief. “What? No. It’s for an art project?” He tried to keep his voice even, but it quirked and sounded like a question.

Tony’s lips pursed. “An art project in chem class?”

“Yeahduhofcourse,” Peter said. He was sweating bullets at this point.

_ Why am I so nervous? _

_ Why am I so nervous? _

_ Why am I so nervous? _

Peter took a deep breath. "Well, actually, me and Ned wanted to try out potato carving? Because that’s a thing? That’s why I. You know, I think I just hit the zero key. Or the wrong measurement,” Peter said. His hands had started playing with the strings on his hoodie without him realizing. He put them at his sides and fought not to fidget again.

Thankfully, Tony came to his rescue. “It’s no big deal, kiddo. Bruce is right, to the food kitchen they go. I’ll get someone to keep a couple for your art project,” he winked. He waved his hand around the room and called attention to himself and away from Peter. “Crisis averted, everyone!”

Thor seemed troubled, though it was unclear as to why. Bruce went over to comfort him. Otherwise, everyone nodded to themself and settled back into a normal conversation or work. 

_ Ok, everything’s fine now. Just breathe. _

Then, Natasha leapt up from the couch, bounding towards Peter. “Pete! You have to let me help you! I love crafts.” She grinned ear to ear.

“Um. Sure, yeah,” Peter replied.

“Yesss! I’m going down the YouTube rabbit hole to find some ideas,” Natasha said and skipped away.

Steve approached Peter with a small smile. “You know, when I was a kid, potato carving was pretty cool. I can probably help out too.”

“That would be really fun. Wait, potato carving used to be cool?” Peter said incredulously.

“ _ I  _ thought it was cool, at least. Now let’s get to work.” 

-

A couple hours and a lot of potatoes later, Peter and Ned carefully lined up their arsenal of Avengers, including the amazing  _ SpideyPotato  _ and  _ IronPotato _ , joined by the ranks of  _ PotatoMachine _ , _HawkTato_ ,  _ PotatoWidow _ , and many more. Steve and Natasha called in everybody who was around to see.

Natasha loved how stylish  _ PotatoWidow _ was, even if it wasn’t on the same level as her (Who could be?). Thor arrived looking a little disgruntled, but started laughing when he saw the mini-Mjolnir  _ PotaThor _ was holding. Rhodey was especially delighted by the determined expression of  _ PotatoMachine _ . 

Tony arrived last. He smiled and took in the long line of hollowed out, carved, lit up, dressed up potato creatures. Near the center of the line was the  _ SpideyPotato _ and  _ IronPotato _ . 

“Those are some spooky potatoes you got there,” Tony said, sending Peter and Ned a look of approval.

“Spooky Potatoes.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is quite possibly the strangest thing I have ever written. I'm on my phone, so I hope the formatting is alright.


End file.
